If someone had of told me 10 years ago that I would be a stay at home, homeschooling, mother of 3 then I would have laugh till I popped. You see I had these big dreams of becoming an environmentalist not because I want to save trees or anything but because I love agriculture and the land, and nature in all its undisturbed beauty, I almost made it to, I had a government job as a soil conservationist and I was well on my way to fulfilling my dream and then I had kids.
Now I have a task that's way more important than conserving the environment, I am conserving my children, and their future. Oh it sure don't seem that way today as I listen to my nephew (3) and my son(2) scream at each other over a stuffed dog, or while I changed the diaper of my 2 yr old because He refuses to be potty trained, or during the fights I have with my nine year about doing her school work, because we all know that you don't need to learn math when you have more pressing matters to attend to such as barbies. Getting my five year to put on clean clothes is like getting my nine year old to do school, almost impossible. Oh yea and you can't be a cowboy unless you have on a long sleeve buttoned down shirt and if the only one you have is the one you've wore for the last three days well thats just fine He's a cowboy remember. I wonder sometimes if this is what I'm really meant to do, because these days I feel like such a failure at all things. I mean my house is a mess, and when I say mess that is exactly what I mean, like oatmeal stuck in the table, two full baskets of laundry that need folding, more that need putting away and even more that need washing, we won't even discuss my refrigerator, and toys everywhere, and just when I think I am starting to get ahead, someone hits somebody else and the whole shebang goes up in flames, where is the peace thats supposed to be in my home. I think it ran away, really I do, and I don't blame it some times I want to run away to, I'm just being honest here, I think that a some point all moms feel this way, some just aren' t honest enough to admit it.
And then I go sit in my room and cry, because of the lost peace and the disheartening feelings of being an abysmal failure, and just when I think I can't handle it any more, I feel His peace surround me and I remember that I ain't in this battle alone, And lets face it folks sometimes life at home is a battle, but its one that we already have victory over. I take a few deep breaths and call on Him to come to my rescue and to the rescue of my children. I am ready now to face the day, yes it will try my patience, but patience has her perfect work right, the we may be perfect, entire, wanting nothing James 1:3-4, My faith in my ability to mother is made stronger in Him and being a failure, is not an option. So I leave my room and go and find each of my children and I give them a big hug and kiss, because as I take a look around at all that needs doing, I realize that in the great big scheme of things its not alot, so I just sit for a few minutes and listen to all they have to tell me and I realize that I am so glad I'm not an environmentalist, I'm a mom and nothing could be more precious then my children. We just keep going and doing what needs doing, even in the mist of chaos because thats just what moms do!! With a whole heap of help from above, I wouldn't even want to attempt this monumental task without Him!!!!!
Now I have a task that's way more important than conserving the environment, I am conserving my children, and their future. Oh it sure don't seem that way today as I listen to my nephew (3) and my son(2) scream at each other over a stuffed dog, or while I changed the diaper of my 2 yr old because He refuses to be potty trained, or during the fights I have with my nine year about doing her school work, because we all know that you don't need to learn math when you have more pressing matters to attend to such as barbies. Getting my five year to put on clean clothes is like getting my nine year old to do school, almost impossible. Oh yea and you can't be a cowboy unless you have on a long sleeve buttoned down shirt and if the only one you have is the one you've wore for the last three days well thats just fine He's a cowboy remember. I wonder sometimes if this is what I'm really meant to do, because these days I feel like such a failure at all things. I mean my house is a mess, and when I say mess that is exactly what I mean, like oatmeal stuck in the table, two full baskets of laundry that need folding, more that need putting away and even more that need washing, we won't even discuss my refrigerator, and toys everywhere, and just when I think I am starting to get ahead, someone hits somebody else and the whole shebang goes up in flames, where is the peace thats supposed to be in my home. I think it ran away, really I do, and I don't blame it some times I want to run away to, I'm just being honest here, I think that a some point all moms feel this way, some just aren' t honest enough to admit it.
And then I go sit in my room and cry, because of the lost peace and the disheartening feelings of being an abysmal failure, and just when I think I can't handle it any more, I feel His peace surround me and I remember that I ain't in this battle alone, And lets face it folks sometimes life at home is a battle, but its one that we already have victory over. I take a few deep breaths and call on Him to come to my rescue and to the rescue of my children. I am ready now to face the day, yes it will try my patience, but patience has her perfect work right, the we may be perfect, entire, wanting nothing James 1:3-4, My faith in my ability to mother is made stronger in Him and being a failure, is not an option. So I leave my room and go and find each of my children and I give them a big hug and kiss, because as I take a look around at all that needs doing, I realize that in the great big scheme of things its not alot, so I just sit for a few minutes and listen to all they have to tell me and I realize that I am so glad I'm not an environmentalist, I'm a mom and nothing could be more precious then my children. We just keep going and doing what needs doing, even in the mist of chaos because thats just what moms do!! With a whole heap of help from above, I wouldn't even want to attempt this monumental task without Him!!!!!
My 3 children with their dad(who's halfway asleep).
5 comments:
Ahhhh the joys of motherhood...eloquently put! I too am having one of those days! I need a better routine and prayer life obviously!
To think back about all the dreams we had..you know thats just what they were dreams and now motherhood well it is just as challenging as my dreams every bit as fullfiling and well it is a fruit of ourselves! Love the post today..hang in there..as long as no companies coming who cares about the house for today!
Joy
yes it is. that's just what mom's do. and I can totally relate. I always try to focus on the positive and be thankful in all circumstances, but some days it's EXTRA hard heh heh.
Brandi ,this is good stuff! We all have those feelings, I think that comes with the children...it's in the fine print on the paperwork they make you sign at the hospital...right along with the part about you'll never sleep a full night again and you'll only get one shower a week! Ha! I loved this post. I, too had high aspirations. And sometimes, when things aren't going so well, the devil will bring that to my mind. And I'll get to pondering what my life would have been had I taken a different road. Empty, in so many ways, that's what. I love what I'm doing now, I may not always like it, may not always see the blessing in motherhood, but there are. Amen Amen Amen.
I feel the same way... I love being a mother, it is so fulfilling but... it can also be lots and lots of hard work. And some days when the work is piling up and the children are fighting and the phone is ringing and the the kids are screaming... it can really get you down. I have felt like a failure at the end of many days... I have cried when I have responded with anger to my baby's I love so much... I have worried I am not doing enough or that I have been to harsh in their discipline... I KNOW where you are coming from.
All we can do is pray that God will help us in our weaknesses and use our feeble efforts to produce children that love Him with their whole heart. Don't let the enemy keep you down, God knows our hearts and He will strengthen us for this wonderful, beautiful and difficult job...being a Mother. Leanne
That is great and I completely and totally understand! I have those days more often than I would like to, but time spent with Him definitely helps me get back to the right focus... and forgiveness and grace are such wonderful things!
Blessings!
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